Glasses
by 3BFFs
Summary: Then she saw it in the clearing, and it answered the question of the universe: Does Slenderman wear boxers or briefs? Boxers. Sweet, silk, perfumed boxers. Slender Lover x Slenderman, J-Wow x Jane


3BFFs doesn't own The Pasta Stalkers or Arby's or Jersey Shore. Or any of the Creepy Pasta mentioned.

This is based off of the comic Aproxyl First.

BFF#1 is in bold, BFF#3 is normal, and the italics are basically the comic but with more detail.

the-pasta-stalkers . tumblr post/46899865592/true-story-my-proxy-name-is-drumr oll

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Once upon a time in a forest far far away there lived a tall, slender, and faceless man named Slenderman. He tried to have friends, but the only company he had was a few garden gnomes and this girl who loved to stalk him.

**Slenderman enjoyed the company of his garden gnome friends (most of the time), but couldn't stand the girl. No matter where he went, she would always follow at a distance. Whenever she wasn't right behind him, he knew she had broken into his house and was rummaging through his things.**

Slenderman decided to put a stop to this by setting traps around his various valuables, especially his underwear drawer and garden gnomes. These traps were all rigged to the various entrances to the house and would activate if said girl came within a foot of the goods.

**However, the traps never worked, as even when they were set, Slenderman would come home to find his drawers ransacked, with no traps triggered.**

"Oh Norm what shall I do to stop her?" Slenderman sighed to his favorite gnome.

**The gnome remained silent, as it has never been animate. It is a garden gnome, after all.**

Slenderman got another idea, one that might work. He decided to go to the store to purchase what he needed to finally rid himself of this annoyance once and for all.

**On his way back to his house in the forest, he saw the girl through the trees, taking the path like any normal person would. Except she wasn't normal. Somehow, she had managed to scurry through all the traps and grab one of his suits, which she was currently wearing. This angered Slenderman, as he didn't want some girl walking around in his clothing. It may give the other Creepy Pastonians… **_**ideas**_**…**

The worst of all was Jeff, whom he often hit over the head with any and every heavy object he could find.

**This was because Jeff was a jerk. He would call him something else, but Slenderman was never a fan of profanity.**

Slenderman set up a new trap, one he was absolutely sure would work. He left a camera to record the results should the girl escape. With his prized silk boxers as bait he was positive the stalker would come.

**And so she did. In his suit, she darted through the trees, her stalker sense tingling. Then she saw it in the clearing, and it answered the question of the universe: Does Slenderman wear boxers or briefs? Boxers. Sweet, silk, perfumed boxers.**

Of course the girl noticed a rope covered in leaves surrounding the perfect steal. She was not a fool, so she bribed one of her many friends into taking the boxers for her. I believe his name was J-Wow.

**"Oh come on!" The young man nicknamed after an idiot from a reality TV show said as he was yanked upwards by an ankle.**

The girl caught the boxers, which fluttered down gracefully from the man's hand. "So worth the twenty dollars and a gift card to Arby's," she said as she walked away.

**"Hey, what about me?" J-Wow shouted as he dangled upside down from a tree. The girl turned slightly as the man started to scream. Could this mean her love was approaching? She turned her head and caught sight of him.**

_"I am sick and tired of you following me around and breaking into my home to steal my things." Slenderman said, getting the girl's full attention. Her grin only widened. "So, I'm turning you into a proxy."_

_ A bright light overcame her, as she felt something pressed up against the bridge of her nose and the tops of her ears. She resisted coughing from a small tickle in her throat. She opened her eyes. "Okay. You're a proxy. Now, I order you to GO AWAY."_

_ "No. Now that I'm a proxy, I'll never leave you. I LOVE YOU!" She said to him. The girl turned, blowing him a kiss. Slenderman faceless-palmed._

"Oh gross! Now could somebody please get me down!" J-Wow snapped before the girl cut him down by snapping her fingers. He landed face first, at the feet of Jane. "Hey baby, wanna go to Arby's?"

"No," Jane replied before walking away, leaving J-Wow to wallow in self-pity.


End file.
